Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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