I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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