bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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