I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
