I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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