i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
