Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
