Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
