he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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