I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
