Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
