what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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