Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
