if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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