You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
