Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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