Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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