I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
where are you?
Hypothermia
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
