It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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