When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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