I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
