He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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