The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
