Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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