How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I met the friendliest cop last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
