Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
