i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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