It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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