Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He better not be in your backpack
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
