I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
