i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
