It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
