I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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