I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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