i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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