Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
