Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
