your parents love me but you hate me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
