i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
