I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
