Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize