yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
