We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
