She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
