Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
