I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
These tits shall not be calmed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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