not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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