wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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