she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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