when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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