I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
