my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize