everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
