apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
