his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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