I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
