There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
