Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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