He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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