I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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