Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
