i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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