It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
