Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
