Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
