when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
