i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
