moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
