He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
