I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
